Oh the pain

I never thought much about the pain and awkwardness of pregnancy. Well, given, I never thought much about pregnancy period. When I did think about it I never thought about the uncomfortable aspects though. I thought you just got huge and popped out a kid. Bang. Boom.

Nope.

40 weeks is a long time. To be fair I skipped the first 9 or so because I'm an airhead and didn't realize I was pregnant. Lucky me. I'm 20 weeks now which means I still have 20 more weeks for my body to get weird. Allow me to explain in detail that you probably don't want to know about.

Hip pain. For the past week or so I wake up and my left hip hurts. A lot. I don't like it No one told me about this. It also happens at work which causes me to sit in very odd looking poses.

Back pain. I also woke up on my back the other night and oh my word I thought I might die. I'm also prone to exaggeration when I'm in pain at 3 in the morning. Major ow factor. It's time to break out the spouse separator (aka body pillow.)

Feeling more pregnant than I actually am. I'm only 20 weeks. People say I look like I swallowed a marble. But I feel HUGE. Then Magic Man takes a picture and it does, in fact, look like I swallowed a marble. My perception is incorrect. Surprise.

Body additions and emissions. Mucus, veins, bumps of all shapes and sizes. No one told me just how much my body would mutate when I got pregnant. People who say I look beautiful are seeing me with jeans and a long sleeve turtleneck because it ain't pretty under there.

Feeling the baby move is weird. It's just weird. It's the most unnatural natural thing in the world. Most of the time it freaks me out because there is a living, breathing, punching, kicking baby inside of me who felt like she was trying to burrow out of the right side of my uterus the other day. I've decided she needs a hobby

It's worth it though or so I've heard. In 20 weeks or so I'll let you guys know. For the time being I'll just keep staring at myself in the mirror in disbelief and wonder how on Earth a baby is going to come out of me. And try not to faint.

It's A Girl

Yesterday Magic Man and I had our 20 week ultrasound and found out we are the proud parents to be of a little girl. I won't say I was hoping for a boy but I did have a hunch, as did everyone else in the Western hemisphere, that it was a boy. When the lovely tech said it was a girl I almost started to cry. Not out of sadness but out of... well... out of the fact I'm crazy. This was one more plan I had that was shaken up.

But.

We're having a little girl. And we will raise her to be strong and confident and ambitious and passionate and kind. She will never have a doubt that she is loved or beautiful. She will reap from me all the knowledge I've gained over the years of what it means to be a woman and all the knowledge I continue to gather. From her father she will learn that she is worthy of the moon and any man who will give her less is not worth her time.

I am scared to death of raising a girl: tea parties, nail painting, and let's not even get started on adolescence which was none too kind to me. More than frightened, though, I am excited for her to join me on my journey and for me to be a part of hers.

Meltdown

The whole time I've been pregnant I've had a feeling that I was having a boy. Tomorrow is the "big ultrasound" where they make sure Niblet is actually a human being and we'll hopefully find out if Niblet is, in fact, a boy or a girl. Assuming he or she's not being modest. Which doesn't run in either side of the family.

So that's tomorrow. And last night I wondered, "What if I'm wrong and we are having a girl? Then what do I do?" I've spent all this time being confident and cocky that we were having a boy. Mother's intuition or whatnot. You see, I'm a tomboy. I've gotten more... feminine... as I've gotten older, but I was a tomboy growing up. I worry that if I have a girl, she'll be the girliest girl, and I'll just spend all my time staring at her like a foreign alien wondering what on Earth to do with her.

All these ideas struck me about the time Magic Man and I went to bed. His tired self was not nearly as interested in my gender fearing meltdown as I was.

On the bright side of all this, at least I live in an age where I do get to find out one way or the other. And I will be happy no matter what gender the Niblet is. I just had a plan that it was a boy and the good Lord likes to mess with my plans so I worry less and rely on Him more. He's tricky like that. So now I don't know what to do. But think and over analyze and get stressed out over something that... is really silly to get all worked up about.

So I shall be calm tomorrow and excited to find out if Nibs is a boy or a girl.
And instead focus my worrying energy today on something else that is silly to worry about... like the fact I can't find my iTunes gift card. (Hey, I never said I'd stop worrying.)