What I Will Teach Her: Pantry Cooking

There's not much to update in terms of how I'm feeling. Magic Man and I have a new game we play when I go to bed. He likes to keep track of how much time goes by before I get up to go pee. I think I set the newest record at 40 minutes last night. It's just plain annoying. I curl up in bed, get the pillow situated between my legs, lay there, roll over, re-position the pillow, start to drift off and... it's time to get up. In all seriousness, though, everything is fine. Niblette is a mover and a shaker, I'm doing my best to eat healthy when all I want some days is a giant burger with a metric ton of fries, and there a lot of balls in the air when it comes to our money situation. Sounds about right for a couple expecting their first.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about things to teach my daughter when she's old enough to understand and appreciate them. Last night reminded me of one I wanted to remember: pantry cooking.

Magic Man and I really need to go grocery shopping but it wasn't going to happen last night. The cupboards aren't bare but they're sparse. He looked in the kitchen and just thought, "We need to go shopping" resigned to having a sandwich or cereal. I looked in the kitchen and said, "I see dinner." Dinner was some bacon and a delicious (all bias aside) puff pancake dish with peaches, sliced almonds, and a cream sauce. With a handy recipe and a couple substitutions, dinner was wonderful.

I want to teach my daughter how to do that. How to be resourceful. How to be determined. How to make something beautiful out of seemingly nothing. After all, that's how she came to be.

I hope to add more "What I Will Teach Her Posts" in the coming weeks.


The D Word(s)

I took last week off from writing because it was an emotionally and mentally draining week. Besides work being busier than I would like, Magic Man and I had a couple really difficult conversations about daycare and debt and all the not so fun stuff that comes when you're an expectant family. Add on to that my own feelings of disappointing others and it just wasn't the best week for me to write. Not that I expect everything in this blog to be seen through rose colored glasses, but I am actively pursuing being honest while not being a downer. Therefore: blog break.

Why yes, I do own rose colored glasses.
Since no decisions have been made there's no point in bogging down the blog with all the discussions. The Lord knows what Magic Man and I desire our family to look like and I am putting my faith and trust that He will bring those things to fruition in His own good time. He has constantly reminded me throughout this process that what He wants is better than what I want despite my fights for the contrary to be true.

In keeping with the tagline of this blog "How I learned to cut myself some slack," here's an example from just yesterday.

Magic Man has been stellar lately. I can easily say that last week he did far more housework than I did. Any normal person would be overjoyed and appreciated. Me? I got down on myself because I wasn't doing enough which meant I needed to do more but I've been really tired but I should suck it up and be super wife and and and...
You get the idea.

How I cut myself some slack: First off I expressed my fears of not being a good wife and all that entailed to Magic Man when he got home from work last night. Vocalizing it made it seem a little silly and he kindly pointed out that I was being a tad irrational and over the top. In verbally processing with him I realized that what I need to do is be appreciative of all that he's been doing, but not compare my efforts to his. We're two different people with two different energy levels and two different points of view on this pregnancy thing. It is good for him to step up when I'm stepping down a bit. I should appreciate him and tell him I appreciate him. And then be done with it.

So that's what I did.

I am learning to alter my expectations of myself. Make them more realistic. I want to be able to teach my daughter to have reasonable expectations of herself. In those early years, and throughout her life, she will learn this lesson not from a book but from her parents. I can't teach her something I don't know how to do.

So I'm learning.
For her.


Oh the pain

I never thought much about the pain and awkwardness of pregnancy. Well, given, I never thought much about pregnancy period. When I did think about it I never thought about the uncomfortable aspects though. I thought you just got huge and popped out a kid. Bang. Boom.


40 weeks is a long time. To be fair I skipped the first 9 or so because I'm an airhead and didn't realize I was pregnant. Lucky me. I'm 20 weeks now which means I still have 20 more weeks for my body to get weird. Allow me to explain in detail that you probably don't want to know about.

Hip pain. For the past week or so I wake up and my left hip hurts. A lot. I don't like it No one told me about this. It also happens at work which causes me to sit in very odd looking poses.

Back pain. I also woke up on my back the other night and oh my word I thought I might die. I'm also prone to exaggeration when I'm in pain at 3 in the morning. Major ow factor. It's time to break out the spouse separator (aka body pillow.)

Feeling more pregnant than I actually am. I'm only 20 weeks. People say I look like I swallowed a marble. But I feel HUGE. Then Magic Man takes a picture and it does, in fact, look like I swallowed a marble. My perception is incorrect. Surprise.

Body additions and emissions. Mucus, veins, bumps of all shapes and sizes. No one told me just how much my body would mutate when I got pregnant. People who say I look beautiful are seeing me with jeans and a long sleeve turtleneck because it ain't pretty under there.

Feeling the baby move is weird. It's just weird. It's the most unnatural natural thing in the world. Most of the time it freaks me out because there is a living, breathing, punching, kicking baby inside of me who felt like she was trying to burrow out of the right side of my uterus the other day. I've decided she needs a hobby

It's worth it though or so I've heard. In 20 weeks or so I'll let you guys know. For the time being I'll just keep staring at myself in the mirror in disbelief and wonder how on Earth a baby is going to come out of me. And try not to faint.