The D Word(s)

I took last week off from writing because it was an emotionally and mentally draining week. Besides work being busier than I would like, Magic Man and I had a couple really difficult conversations about daycare and debt and all the not so fun stuff that comes when you're an expectant family. Add on to that my own feelings of disappointing others and it just wasn't the best week for me to write. Not that I expect everything in this blog to be seen through rose colored glasses, but I am actively pursuing being honest while not being a downer. Therefore: blog break.

Why yes, I do own rose colored glasses.
Since no decisions have been made there's no point in bogging down the blog with all the discussions. The Lord knows what Magic Man and I desire our family to look like and I am putting my faith and trust that He will bring those things to fruition in His own good time. He has constantly reminded me throughout this process that what He wants is better than what I want despite my fights for the contrary to be true.

In keeping with the tagline of this blog "How I learned to cut myself some slack," here's an example from just yesterday.

Magic Man has been stellar lately. I can easily say that last week he did far more housework than I did. Any normal person would be overjoyed and appreciated. Me? I got down on myself because I wasn't doing enough which meant I needed to do more but I've been really tired but I should suck it up and be super wife and and and...
You get the idea.

How I cut myself some slack: First off I expressed my fears of not being a good wife and all that entailed to Magic Man when he got home from work last night. Vocalizing it made it seem a little silly and he kindly pointed out that I was being a tad irrational and over the top. In verbally processing with him I realized that what I need to do is be appreciative of all that he's been doing, but not compare my efforts to his. We're two different people with two different energy levels and two different points of view on this pregnancy thing. It is good for him to step up when I'm stepping down a bit. I should appreciate him and tell him I appreciate him. And then be done with it.

So that's what I did.

I am learning to alter my expectations of myself. Make them more realistic. I want to be able to teach my daughter to have reasonable expectations of herself. In those early years, and throughout her life, she will learn this lesson not from a book but from her parents. I can't teach her something I don't know how to do.

So I'm learning.
For her.


  1. I hear you on the super-wife thing! I do the same thing. I have this vision of myself doing this crazy good job with housework/kids/etc. and wowing my husband at the end of every day with the clean house, happy children, hot dinner and positive, energetic upbeat wife waiting for him.

    In reality the house is clean enough and there is dinner. The kids are usually driving me nuts and I feel overwhelmed by everything, yet I hesitate to ask him for help with the house because then it would be like admitting that I couldn't do it myself.
    I think women are programmed to feel guilty about everything.

  2. I love "so I'm learning. For her." This is why you're going to be and already are such a great mommy.

  3. While I might not be in a relationship or have children, I think you are on the right track Mommy. From what you are so very willing to show about your own life to so many, I think you are going to be a great mother. You and Magic Man are searching after God's heart as you begin thinking about raising Niblett. You can do this. God is going to help. He has your whole life (all three of you) in his hands. He will protect you, guide you, and love you. What more can you hope for?
    Plus, you have tons of people praying for you!

  4. THE most important thing you can do for your children is to teach them to lean on Jesus and His grace, by showing them that you need it too! Obviously in age-appropriate ways. ;-)

    Also, next time you are assessing who is doing what tasks in your home, please remember you are a walking, breathing gestation miracle! God is knitting together a PERSON in your body. IN YOUR BODY! And it is beautiful and crazy and weird and hard an worth it. :-)

    Also, napping and resting IS work when you grow a person. Seriously! Your body secretes the growth hormones during sleep, and yor cells repair and heal and grow while you sleep.


  5. Adjusting our expectations of ourself is incredibly challenging. It is a psychological switch that many people may not even realize they have to make. (I suppose it's harder for us perfectionists.) So I say you're way ahead of the game if your making that adjustment yourself and already planning on modeling that for your daughter. Way to go, Toni! I am so impressed by you!

  6. Love the glasses, by the way. :)