Oh the pain

I never thought much about the pain and awkwardness of pregnancy. Well, given, I never thought much about pregnancy period. When I did think about it I never thought about the uncomfortable aspects though. I thought you just got huge and popped out a kid. Bang. Boom.

Nope.

40 weeks is a long time. To be fair I skipped the first 9 or so because I'm an airhead and didn't realize I was pregnant. Lucky me. I'm 20 weeks now which means I still have 20 more weeks for my body to get weird. Allow me to explain in detail that you probably don't want to know about.

Hip pain. For the past week or so I wake up and my left hip hurts. A lot. I don't like it No one told me about this. It also happens at work which causes me to sit in very odd looking poses.

Back pain. I also woke up on my back the other night and oh my word I thought I might die. I'm also prone to exaggeration when I'm in pain at 3 in the morning. Major ow factor. It's time to break out the spouse separator (aka body pillow.)

Feeling more pregnant than I actually am. I'm only 20 weeks. People say I look like I swallowed a marble. But I feel HUGE. Then Magic Man takes a picture and it does, in fact, look like I swallowed a marble. My perception is incorrect. Surprise.

Body additions and emissions. Mucus, veins, bumps of all shapes and sizes. No one told me just how much my body would mutate when I got pregnant. People who say I look beautiful are seeing me with jeans and a long sleeve turtleneck because it ain't pretty under there.

Feeling the baby move is weird. It's just weird. It's the most unnatural natural thing in the world. Most of the time it freaks me out because there is a living, breathing, punching, kicking baby inside of me who felt like she was trying to burrow out of the right side of my uterus the other day. I've decided she needs a hobby

It's worth it though or so I've heard. In 20 weeks or so I'll let you guys know. For the time being I'll just keep staring at myself in the mirror in disbelief and wonder how on Earth a baby is going to come out of me. And try not to faint.